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St. Nathaniel

November 13, 2018

Loreto House Pregnancy Resource Center Adoration Chapel

Denton, TX


I need you to imagine a scene.  It’s a scene from my own memory.

But I need you to imagine yourselves there, for there is much to learn.


The apostles are gathered in an upper room.

There is a heaviness in the air – a sadness, a grief, a longing.

But underneath, although barely perceptible, is the hint of something else –

A glimmer of hope, an expectancy of something that waits ready in the wings.

The apostles sit there, looking at the floor.

Around them are shards of broken dreams, bits and pieces of expectations

That did not match those that had been in their minds.

A few of us, though, the ones of us who opened our eyes enough to see,

Were able to see that there were promises also laying there,

Tangled in the dreams and expectations.

The promises were lighter as though made of the stuff of heaven,

So they attempted to rise up above the broken things on the floor,

But the sorrow, the hopelessness, the broken dreams,

Were of an earthly substance and held them fast.

And the apostles, although His words about loving one another were fresh in our minds,

Found that they were irritated and out of sorts, and they hardly looked at one another,

For we had grown accustomed to a great light in our midst,

And we had thought the world would never be dark again.


But it seemed dark indeed in that upper room.

And there we sat.

There was something, though, that sought entrance,

And it knocked on the door, but received no answer,

And it continued to seek an entry into that upper room.

But then something started to happen – we started to remember.

We remembered that He had said we would not be left without help.

And, as we remembered, our hearts awoke and things began to change.

One of us started sweeping up the broken things –

The hopelessness, the unfulfilled expectations, our own desires,

And then all rushed to help,

And those were delivered to the refuse pile outside the door.

Then the things of heaven began to rise, and the room was bathed in hope,

And we began to smile at one another.


There was one there in the room who had been sitting apart, away from the broken things,

And she was bathed in something that looked like love,

And when she saw that we were opening our eyes and opening our hearts,

She smiled at us. 

And in that smile we saw that light that we had walked with for so long,

And we all became quiet and waited. 

Then what a marvelous thing began to occur because what had sought entry found no obstruction to enter,

And came in as a mighty wind,

And the wind blew out every piece of earthly debris we had missed while sweeping,

And cleansed the room of everything but heaven’s gifts.

Then the fire that we felt in our hearts, as the wind swept over us, became actual tongues of fire above our heads,

And we knew all languages as angels know,

And we realized we would never be alone again, and we would never be afraid again,

And we would never be without His light again.

Why do I tell you this?  Why do I ask you to imagine this scene?

It is because there is something so important for you to understand in this story.

Your journey has had moments of much light, and miraculous things you have seen,

But much has accumulated around you on the floor,

So much has not happened exactly as you thought it would,
And those expectations are strewn around and lay in heaps upon the floor.

There are the bits and pieces of individual desires, and threads of things that you were sure would outline the path

All tangled up around your feet.

But do you not see what else is there?

There are beautiful things also there, being held down by the dark things that hold them tight.

It is your darkness and your tangled desires that hold them really,

Don’t you see?

It is time now for you to allow entry to the One who seeks to come into your midst.

Clear the way for Him.  Can you hear Him knocking?

The time draws near for you to go forth,

But the desires that were held, and the dreams that were dreamed will obstruct the path

If you do not let them go.

Open your hands.  Clear the room.  For He comes.

And He will give you what you need to take this forth.

And you will never be in the dark again.

He knocks!  Answer the door!

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